The joys (or not) of pregnancy

Yesterday I was waxing lyrical to anyone who would listen (which actually just means I was boring friends and family in NZ stupid with emails) about how lovely it is being pregnant. Yesterday my little unborn baby was my best friend, wriggling around and generally seeming incredibly cute even though I clearly can't see it, and bringing me to tears of joy just at the thought of meeting it soon (don't like the sound of those 'its', but we're being old fashioned and haven't found out what flavour baby we're having). Today however has not been quite so rosy. In fact today has been a BAD DAY. In that at 30 weeks pregnant (that's about 7 months for those who you who have never been through this thing - believe me it's all about the weeks), when I should be well past this stuff, I have been laid up with horrible nausea and pretty much unable to function all day. I spent two hours this morning feeling like I was going to have to run to the loo any minute either to throw up, or with diarrhea, or both. In the end neither eventuated, which is a good thing for sure, but it was an incredibly frustrating start to the day, which never really got going again afterwards. Perhaps not the best day to begin this blog? Oh well, there's never a perfect moment is there.

I am living a strange kind of 'in between' life at the moment and feel (though not for the first time in my life I should add) like I'm in limbo - I am not working and am too pregnant to find a new job, but don't know quite what to do with myself and all this time I have! I could be going to my studio and making art, but the hour long bus journey to get there, combined with the freezing cold rain we're having this week, puts me off. It really does seem that the more time I have the less I actually manage to do, what is it with that? I am also currently living on the other side of the world from most of my friends and family, so haven't got that many people I could convince to waste time with me (and somehow wasting time and generally mooching around sounds like fun with company but seems depressing on your own). The idea of sitting in a cafe and drinking coffee whilst reading magazines is fun if you should be working instead, but, apart from the small thrill of maybe overdosing the baby with caffeine to see how much it will move, it doesn't hold so much appeal as a solitary activity! Neither though does spending all my days in a studio wondering about the social, financial or just general merits of making art, especially when if I break it down, even though I do sell paintings from time to time, it still costs me money to make rather than earning me some. Hmmm. And I do this because...?

So instead I have become a sort of housewife, preparing for my soon to be status as a SAHM. For those of you who don't know that's: Stay At Home Mom, although I personally prefer the version: Shit Ass Ho Motherfucker, as given on my favourite website www.dooce.com. Many thanks to my sister for putting me onto that particular joy and thanks also to the writer of aforementioned website who very often makes me laugh so much I cry! (I hope it's ok to mention another website here, I'm unsure of the etiquette involved so apologies to all concerned if this is not the done thing). The problem is that despite, or more the point, WITH, all this time on my hands I manage to be quite ineffective and generally can spend my days doing basically nothing! Amazing how quickly the hours pass while researching the benefits of various different brands of cloth nappies. Or running important errands like buying flour because I suddenly need to bake muffins for the first time in my life! So, the house (well ok, small flat) could probably do with a clean, and there is washing waiting to be done, groceries that could be bought, meals that could be made, and instead I manage to find time for worthy activities like an afternoon nap (pregnant though so that one's justified), uploading photos onto the computer, sifting around on the internet and generally mooching or reading books in the comfort of my warm living room, watching the rain fall over a very grey London skyline. (suitably tongue in cheek depressing picture required here me thinks, will have to add one later!)

Maybe the rest of the week will be better. Although, in London at least, the sun will not be coming out tomorrow... I know, as I especially took time out from my important research - ie non stop watching of Discovery Home and Health Channel's 'Baby Week' - to watch the 6 oclock news and weather.